build your relational table

how I’m finding friends as a dad

I was having a beer with a dad that lives in my neighborhood last night and he shared that he recently realized he felt lonely.

He wasn’t alone. I felt that way too.

And after years of noticing that dad’s chronically struggle to sustain friendships that feel meaningful and not just superficial, I’ve come up with the grand plan for dads to have friends.

If you want friends in the years of rasing young kids, then I have good news for you. You can have them and they’re more accessible than you think.

But you will have to reconfigure your qualifications for who these people are. In the past you made buddies with people who played the same sport as you, watched the same shows, or shared the same hobbies.

If you don’t want to be lonely as a dad then this is no longer your criteria. You have too little time and flexibility to maintain those type of relationships. There are only 3 criteria that will qualify your new friends - and to make them easy to remember they all start with the letter "P”.

#1 Proximity

Picture your house or apartment or condo. Now picture the 10 units to the left of them. Now picture the 10 units to the right. Now picture the same group across the hallway or group. This is roughly your 2 minute walking radius. The humans inside these dwelling are your candidates.

#2 Penis

Do they have the equipment of the male sex? If so, they’re a guy and that qualifies them to be your next bro friend. Doesn’t matter how more fit or fat they are than you. Doesn’t matter how blue collar or black tux they go to work. Centuries have shown us that men have opted to gather and team up together because it feeds something in your soul and life.

#3 Presence

This is the final qualification. Are they willing to show up to something you invite them to? If they say “no” or are unwilling to engage with you, then you’re shit out of luck. They have chosen to opt out.

But most guys won’t say no. If you ask them and their kids to come over and roast marshmallows, or to help you install some garage shelves, or to go grab a beer most guys are going to say yes. Especially the dads because 9 times out of 10 they are as lonely as you are.

Now this is the scary part - because you have to do the inviting. You don’t have to knock on the door and ask if Dave can come out to play like when we were 2nd graders (however I am considering this in the neighborhood I moved into). But you do have to call them to action. And if they say “no” the first time, then I challenge you to ask 2 more times in the near future. And if they still are unwilling to be present, that’s that.

So to recap, if you’re struggling feeling lonely as a dad this is how you can take action. Find other humans that fit the 3 criteria - within proximity, have a penis, and are willing to be present. You’ll be shocked how much the rest of the details take care of themselves and a few hangouts later the loneliness and isolations begin to fade. Finding friends to share the journey of life with are closer than you think.